theparisreview:

English Is Essentially __________.

“English is essentially Norse as spoken by a gang of French thugs.”—Benct Philip Jonsson

….

“English is what you get from Normans trying to pick up Saxon girls.”—Bryan Maloney

—A selection of “Essentialist Explanations.” Thanks to the Penguin Press for pointing out this gem.

My two favorite of the Paris Review’s own favorites. #subset